Prince Zeke's Chambers

The royal chambers are complete & ready for Prince Zeke to arrive!  We finished it up last night- hanging pictures on the walls.  We bought the framed artwork off of Etsy, were given the 2 white pieces (shelves & coat rack) by a past employer.  They are pieces since I clearly remember them hanging in their daughter's bedroom for years.  The "Prince" sign was a gift from a special friend!  The curtains & glider were given to us by another past employer.  The tall blue bookcase was a gift from my parents.  The crib & changing table/dresser were gifts from my mother.  The book rack & castle were purchased off Craigslist.  Yes, that is a super cool castle dollhouse- it opens like cupboard doors & has rooms, furniture, royal people, etc.  The bottom of the castle is for toy storage.
We love the room so much & are so excited about how it turned out!!  Is like to get a few more knick knackie prince things for the shelves but otherwise we just need Zeke to make it official!  Call me crazy but I think I'm going to even affix a tired blue ribbon to the threshold & have a special moment for when we bring him home :)
15 more days until Prince Zeke arrives!
PS I can't get the photos to appear the right direction or in the right order on my phone!  I will fix it when I get home & can work on a real computer!

Pick A Card- Any Card

So I've been pondering in my heart these last few weeks what special message I want to write to our birth mom.  There really are no words but only deep full emotions that I hope to convey in some sort of representative collection of words.  The magnitude of the relationship between two mothers forever bound together by their mutual love of a child is not easily expressed!  Part of my list of considerations in doing this is to pick a card.  What kind of card?  Well, I'm so glad you asked!

THANK YOU CARDS  Even the most heart felt gratitude typed into a card in cursive & rhyming couplets almost feels like an insult.  I long to show our birth mom the depths of my gratitude.  Gratitude for her incredible sacrifice, her unwavering trust in us, her complete love of this child, her desire for an open addition, her support of us as we prepare to parent & so much more.  Thank you cards are great for the lasagna your dear friend cooked while you were sick so you didn't have to or the neighbor who watched your dog while you were away or even the visitor who brought you flowers after a death in the family.  But somehow when someone is handing you there flesh & blood entrusting their precious child's life into your hands, a thank you card falls flat.

CONGRATULATIONS CARDS  On the surface this might seem hurtful.  A Congratulations on your new baby card to a woman essentially choosing to have empty arms after giving birth almost seems like a slap in the face.  In my deepest heart I want to congratulate our dear birth mom!  She did it!  She was pregnant for all those months.  She endured sleepless nights.  She labored with deep love for this child in more ways than one.  She is & forever will be this child's mom & for all of that & more she deserves to be celebrated!  However, the gleeful expressions in those cards might come across insensitive to her great loss & sacrifice.

CARE & CONCERN CARDS  This woman that I have come to love in a way that I can't even put into words is intentionally walking a path known to be filled with pain & heart break.  She is about to walk through one of the very deepest valleys of grief & I am genuinely concerned for her.  I want our birth mom to know that we care about her & are not just in this to have a baby.  We are grieved at her loss & even though it brings us great joy to become parents, it pains our hearts to know it comes at her very personal expense.  We want her to know that our prayers are with her.  In those wee our of the night while we rock our son, we will be lifting her up, praying that God would comfort her & cradle her. 

GET WELL SOON CARDS  Although in some ways minor compared to the other things happening, our birth mom will be physically healing from the c-section & all of the things that go along with pregnancy.  We want her to know that we care about her physically!  The discomforts & inconveniences of recovering from such a surgery are no walk in the park!  We pray that the physical part of this healing journey would be smooth & as easy as possible.

So, if you happen to know of a great Thank-You-Congrarulations-Care-&-Concern-Get-Well-Soon Card let me know!  In the mean time, I will be at the craft store, trying to figure out how to convey all of this & more with a folded piece of paper, some nice pens & maybe a stamp or two.

With much love for our birth mom!

32 Week Ultrasound

Just a few pics of our cutey-patootey Zeke :)  Can you tell what's what?   The ultrasound tech said he looks to have plenty of hair!  He was measuring around 4.5 pounds at this ultrasound.  You might remember the belly buds and recordings our birth mom is playing to him?  Well, at first she said he would kick at where the belly buds were on her stomach.  Now she says he likes to fall asleep to them :)  This makes my heart so happy as I pray God weaves our love for him into his little heart even now.  In general everything is going well!  I had a few days of worry last week that our birth mom would change her mind.  While that is always possible, God used some cherished friends to remind me that God is trustworthy with all things - even this.  Thanks for your prayers and support.  We can't wait to hold him and share him with all of you!  Enjoy!

They said YES

Tuesday, July 17 David and I received the long awaited news that we were home study approved!  What a sigh of relief!  This news comes almost exactly ONE YEAR from the day we decided to start the adoption process.  If the process had progressed as we expected when we set out, we would just now be in the waiting pool of families looking to adopt!  But God had different plans!  I will admit this wait for approval tried to steel my joy many times God was faithful to strengthen my hope and faith in His good plan.  All we can say is Thank you Lord!  And that we trust that none of this was by chance or accident.  God didn't forget about getting to this detail.  He didn't procrastinate.  He didn't do things in the 'wrong' order.  He did things in precisely the best way!  And we rest in knowing that He has a plan far greater than ours!  What a blessing to have this seal of God's approval on our journey toward parenthood. 

Zeke Jaden Jo Nation

We are so excited about the name God has given us for our son!  (We decided on July 14.)

Zeke means 'Strengthened by God.'  All throughout picking names we just kept saying how important it was to us that he has a strong name and this one is perfect!  Yes, he will spend the rest of his life being asked "Is that short of Ezekiel?"  but hopefully that is a cross he will be willing to bear!  (Is that the right form of the word 'bear' -- oh no -- can't decide!  Forgive me if its wrong- and feel free to leave a comment :)

Jaden means 'Jehovah has Heard.'  For very obvious reasons we love the meaning here.  And just because I can't say it enough and its never gets old I will repeat--Jehovah has heard the cry of our hearts and the prayers of MANY people and is giving us a son!  Praise Him!  We love the sound of this name and considered it as our first name.  We chose to put it in the middle mainly because we loved Zeke and also because we didn't want his first name to be gender neutral (that didn't seem very strong to us.)

Jo is our birth mom's middle name and she requested we have this somewhere in his name.  We are honored to include it and look forward to him having this name in common with her.  We also particularly wanted his middle initials to be JJ as they are our birth mom's first 2 initials also.

It has been an honor and quite a journey to pick...or rather discover...our son's name!

Just for fun...here are a few of our other names that put up quite a fight!

Abraham - father of nations (David particularly liked this one.) 

 Malachi - messenger of God  (One of Em's faves.)

Leo - lion of God

Jethro - abundance

Elliott - The Lord is my God

Josiah - Jehovah has healed

Tobias - God is good

To celebrate, we made Zeke a cake :)
(Not sure why I can't figure out how to flip the picture...but you get the idea.)

One of the resources we read said to "try the name out" in various ways so here it goes...

Zeke Nation

Zeke J J Nation

Zeke J Nation

ZJJN

ZJN

David, Emma & Zeke Nation

Sounds good, right ?  We think so.

Our birth mom loves calling him by name, as does her family and friends.  This is such an added blessing to have her love the name as much as we do!

...but who's counting...

1 

day until my last girls night being the ONLY non-mother in the room!

4  

days until we are presented for home study approval!  We will hear the decision that same day.

13  

days until we see our son again via ultrasound! 

20 

days until my last dental appointment as a non-mother :)

27 

days until we tour the hospital and register for the birth!

36 

 days until my super incredible Children's Book themed baby shower!!!!

49

  days until our birth mom's birthday!

50

 days until we enter our baby's birthday month!

61

  days until my nanny career comes to an end.

62

  days until my life changes forever and our son is born!

Just a few more...

4 

more gatherings with our small group...

9

  more Sundays...

35

  more work days with the twins...

I'm just a little excited :)

11 More Weeks!

We are happily and excitedly awaiting our son's arrival in just 77 days!  We have a crib and dresser all set and ready in his room- although, the walls are still pink from when it was my craft room so we still have something to fill our time with!  We've decided to do a Prince theme in the bedroom and found some lovely artwork on Etsy of animals with crowns and even a little boy with a crown catching stars :) 

We have a growing stash of cloth diapers, miscelaneous baby items and teeny tiny clothes!  We aren't any closer to picking a name even though we have both combed through the book multiple times.  Maybe we will just have to wait until we meet him!  We are registered at Baby's R Us and on Amazon and looking forward to the baby shower my sister and a dear friend are throwing in August! 

This also means I have just under 11 weeks of work left.  However, with this fire that has hit Colorado Springs, and the family I work for being evacuated it is unknown how much I will actually be working in the weeks to come.  The hours I do work will most likely be in a hotel room!  So far it seems their home will only have smoke damage so we are thankful for that.

We are in the third trimester now, so we are going to doctors appointment with our birth mom every 2-3 weeks!  Our next appointment is July 12.  We really enjoy these opportunities to get to know J better, to "see" our growing son and just be near him even though we can't yet hold him.  Everything is going along just fine with the pregnancy and adoption plan. 

77 short [loooong] days until we hold our baby boy!  It still feels like a dream :)  We are blessed beyond measure and thankful beyond expression.  Thank you for your prayers, love, excitement and joy!  We serve an amazing God who has ordained this from before we were born.  He is knitting our son together as we speak with tender love and wisdom. We stand in awe of this great work of creation!!!

Love & Blessings to all of you!

It's A Boy!

You've probably heard the news by now,  but just in case- we are super thrilled to be having a son!  We have no words to express how exited we are!  The ultrasound was great- we got to see alot of Noodle's organs & watch him move around for about a half an hour. I could have sat in that room all day long.  We heard his strong heart beat & were overwhelmed with how much we already love this tiny, 11 ounce baby boy!  We spoke with the doctor & received his thumbs up report on Noodle's health.  Everything looks as good as it can be.  His due date is September 20 but he will be delivered via c-section about one week prior.  (exact date tbd.)  We are loving the name picking process & making all of the little plans & arrangements for bringing our little guy home. 
After the ultrasound we went to lunch with J, her grandmother & her 4 year-old son.  It was a great casual meal & we left feeling very encouraged.  J has decided to stay with her adoption agency in Denver which changes a few things but nothing major.  Our fees are a little higher than if J were to switch to Hopes Promise but still significantly less than we originally anticipated.  Sometime in the next few weeks we will sign a new contact reflecting all of the changes & by the end of June hopefully have our home study completed & everything set.  (Our social worker is out of town for 3 weeks in June which is why we aren't doing all of this sooner.)
So far there are zero red flags of this placement not happening (J changing her mind about following through with her adoption plan.)  She has a very good relationship with a counselor from her agency & meets with her weekly.  Once we and J sign information release paperwork we will be able to speak with her counselor directly & hear her perspective of how J is handling all of this.
Every detail is firmly in God's hands.   We often have to choose whether to indulge the fears & anxieties of a failed adoption or trust that God has brought this little boy into our lives today & leave the future to Him.  God is faithful.  Pray that we choose to trust & delight in this gift rather than be consumed with worry of things we cannot control.
Before his birth we will get to see 2 more ultrasound (about every 6-8 weeks.)  Which is super exciting!  J asked if I wanted to be in the room while our baby was delivered & be the first to hold him.  I am super exited!!!  What a gift! 
So that our son recognizes our voices, we are working on recording ourselves reading stories, talking to the baby & even singing a little bit onto an ipod!  J was exited to be able to play this for him which will hopefully help him have a smother transition.  What a blessing that J is willing & even eager to take the time to do this! 
We are filled to the brim with praise to our God!  Join us in making our praises loud!!!
Here are some photos :)

Adoption Quilt

          July                      August                 September

    October                    November                    December

Sometime in January we decided that we really wanted to create something special for our child that captivated their journey to our family - from our perspective.  Something meaningful and unique.  We decided on creating an adoption quilt!  Each quilt square represents one month of waiting and there are 4 squares for each month.  My broken finger stalled progress for a bit but we are back at it and can't wait to get caught up!  Our May fabrics will be either PINK or BLUE and we are SO excited!  Our adoption process will have taken 15 months from decision to adopt to bringing home baby!  So unbelievable!  We plan to embroider into the border the specific dates and events of the process (mostly dates from Our Paper Pregnancy.) 

Our Adoption Profile Book

Curious what an adoption profile book looks like?  Just plain curious about our adoption profile book?  Well, here it is!  We have spent hours putting this together and due to our surprise blessing of finding a birthmom through a friend this book won't even be shown!  We are printing a copy to give to our birth mom and to keep for ourselves and our child.  While putting this together we seached for and looked through many many other couples' books and found it supremely helpful!  The agency actually gave us VERY little guidance on this.   So we are doing our part and sharing our book with the world.  Enjoy! :)

Click here to view this photo book larger

Shutterfly allows you to customize your photo book just the way you want.

The BIG Day (Part Two)

After our counseling appointment David and I jumped in the car and headed up to Denver for our lunch date with Jemi!  Between Jemi running late and David and I accidentally going to the wrong restaurant our 1:00 meeting actually started at 2:00!  We finally got to the same place and sat down.  Jemi was very chatty and open which really helped keep the conversation going and comfortable.  She shared very openly about a whole host of details.  We talked about our ideas and expectations during pregnancy, at the birth and afterward.  She shared some of her hopes and dreams of the future as did we.  She invited us to the ultrasound May 1 to find out the sex of the baby!  She showed us ultrasound pictures from previous appointments and let us take pictures of them on our phones. :)  Jemi said that she's ready to move forward with us if we are!  UN.BE.LIEVABLE!  We felt really great about meeting with her and as we left were overwhelmed with a whole host of expected and unexpected emotions.

So, if everything goes as planned right now, our baby will be born by c-section September 15!!!  We will be there and bring the baby home from the hospital.  We are actually going to be parents in 5 months!  We can hardly believe it!!!

What are the next steps?  We really don't exactly know!  We wrote an email to our social worker Julie on Thursday night with a list of questions and have not heard back.  The next thing we have to achieve is home study approval which should just be a letter and a quick home inspection away.  This should be no problem to have done by September and we are going to pray things go smoothly.  We should be able to proceed with this process through Hopes Promise.  Since we have essentially found our own birth mother the agency adoption fees are cut nearly in half!  Our puzzle fundraiser nearly covers our entire cost of adoption!  Wow!  We cannot say thank you enough to everyone who has supported us, sponsored pieces, prayed for us and cheered us on!

Here is what we know about our baby-

He/She is Caucasian/Filipino/Black -- beautiful!
All tests so far have come back healthy.
Heart beat is strong and fast.
He/She is almost 18 weeks gestation and very active.

We are overwhelmed to say the least!  What an amazing gift and blessing to be matched before even being in the waiting pool.  Praise the Lord with us as we anticipate this indescribable blessing!

The BIG Day (Part One)

At the end of March I received a  message on facebook from an acquaintance at church.  She is friends with a lady whose son is friends with a girl who was looking to make an adoption plan for her baby.  We expressed interest & a couple of days later had the cell phone number of this girl!  After much prayer, speaking with our adoption agency & with a stomach full of butterflies I made the call.  At this point we didnt even know the girl's name!  I left a message & she called me back an hour later.

She gave us a whole bunch of information about herself, the bio dad, her situation, this pregnancy & her desires in an adoptive family.  We fit all of her criteria & she expressed a desire to meet!  We spoke a couple more times on the phone & planned to meet for lunch at Red Robin in Denver where she lives. 

That meeting was yesterday.

As you might remember we are right at the finish line of our home study.  We were asked to met with a counselor & complete a psychological profile test to make sure that we (especially me) are ready & equipped to be parents.  We took the 180 true/false question test a couple of weeks ago.  The time line & results of our home study hang on this test & what our counselor writes in her report to Hope's Promise.  We finally got the results. 

That appointment was yesterday.

BIG DAY!

10am was our appointment time.  We showed up a couple minutes early.  David being the kind, loving & amazing man that he is tried to distract me by talking about some things going on at his work.  Unfortunately, my nerves were getting the better of me & I'm not sure if I could tell you anything he was talking about.  Not being able to give David a child biologically is painful to say the least.  Not being able to give David a child through adoption because of my emotional scars from childhood...I'm not sure I could bear it.  We were called in & jumped right in to my report.  I felt really overwhelmed hearing these paragraphs of potentially harmful tenancies.  Amazingly, most everything sounded exactly like me...if you were to look at all of my weaknesses at once on a bad day.  Not what I would call fun or encouraging.  But I guess every forest contains some pretty ugly trees, yes?  As is typically the case in these situations we didn't finish up with my profile or get to touch David's.  We meet again in 2 weeks.  We were wrapping up & I couldn't take it anymore...

"So, big picture, what are your thoughts at this point in terms of our adoption process & moving forward in our home study?"  I asked.

"Oh, I believe you both will be excellent parents. I really do.  I don't see any reason not to continue.  I plan to write a letter sharing the report findings & a couple of areas I believe would be helpful for you to work through but also that you will be great parents."

HUGH sigh of relief...tears in my eyes...praises rising to the Lord who has done so much healing work in my life!  I will always wrestle with certain patterns that I learned very young in order to cope but what a huge blessing to hear such affirmation after all of the work I've done & especially God has done in my life!  This is definitely a moment to pause & boast in the incredible healing power of Jesus Christ!  2 years ago I am confident this would have been an entirely different experience!  God is good.

More to come soon!  I am writing this on my phone & can't swype anymore right now!  :)

Long Overdue Update

Although not the timetable we had planned, we are still moving along in the process.  We have had 3 home visits and have been asked to take a few extra steps before home study approval.  Because of my (Emma's) oh so exciting childhood, Julie (our social worker) has asked that I meet with one of their psychologists and get an official evaluation of a few specific aspects of my emotional health.  While our first reaction to this news was disappointment at running into another delay, we are praying and trusting that this is a necessary step and will help us be the best parents we can be.  No timeline is more important than that.

On another note, we are only thirty-nine pieces away from completing our puzzle! 

Keep us in your thoughts and prayers and we will keep you posted.

More in depth update to come when Emma's hand is not broken.  :)

Meet Julie!

We got the call this week from our social worker!  Julie will be doing all of our interviews, writing our home study report, presenting us to the Hope's Promise board for final approval and supervising our placement!  Our first interview is set for the last week in January.  We are thankful to be matched with Julie as she is the only Hope's Promise social worker who also lives in Colorado Springs which means we don't have to pay an extra $60 every time she meets with us to cover gas and travel!  Yay!  We are busy getting our home ready for inspection and by this time next month will hopefully be well on our way to entering the waiting pool.  We would really appreciate your prayers as we prepare for these interviews!  From what I can tell, this will be the first of three.

In other news, our puzzle is nearly fully funded - Hooray!  We are hoping, praying and trusting that our account will have exactly what we need in it by the time the home study is complete to move forward.  Please pray with us that the last 150 puzzle pieces would be sponsored and that the money wouldn't keep us from progressing.  Thanks!