THE Autobiography

Have you ever written an autobiography?  The story and details of you life?  When I started this piece of the process I knew it wouldn't be easy-  Thinking through, processing, condensing the details of my life ...ooh...I've already done it and it still puts a bit of anxiety in the pit of my stomach.  But this is just the beginning.  14 pages of single spaced typing later, I have thought through some great questions regarding myself, my family, my expectations, my parenting and my marriage.  At the top of the 3 page list of questions to be covered in our autobiographies is a charge not to discuss our answers with our spouse.  So we wrote out our answers in solitude.  I am so eager to share and process with David!

So, for those of you who are curious (I know I was!) or in the mood for a little introspection, here is the list of questions we covered.  Enjoy!

Your Family of Origin

1. Describe the family you grew up with and the home/s you lived in.
2. What was your father like?  Your mother?
3. How did you get along with any brothers/sisters?
4. How are you like/unlike other members of your family?
5. What are some of your most important (best/worst) memories?
6. Describe your family's adaptability to change.
7. Describe your family's ability to accept differences in others?

Family Relationships

1. Describe your parents as a couple.
2. What kind of marriage did they have as you were growing up?
3. What things did they agree and disagree about?
4. How did your parents resolve conflict?
5. How did your parents handle money, discipline of children and sex education?
6. In what ways would you hope to be like them as a parent?
7. What things would you hope to do differently?
8. Who did you feel closest to as you were growing up?
9. Are your extended family members aware of your adoption plan?
10. Are they supportive and/or do they have concerns related to adoption?

Growing Up

1. As you were growing up, what were your favorite interests/hobbies?
2. What was school like for you?
3. What were your favorite subjects in school?
4. What did you enjoy most about school?
5. What kind of friends did you have?
6. How much dating did you do?
7. What were your biggest problems in your teenage years?

Courtship and Marriage

1. What attracted you to  your husband/wife?
2. How did you decide to get married?
3. What changed after the honeymoon?
4. How were your families alike/different?
5. How did you first get along with your in-laws?  Now?
6. What problems have you and your mate had to overcome since getting married?
7. If this is not your first marriage, briefly discuss your previous marriage or marriages.
8. What have you learned from other relationship that contributes to the success of your current marriage relationship?

Children

1. If you have children, describe what they are like.
2. Are they living with you?
3. If you have children from a previous marriage or relationship, what is your relationship wiht them now?
4. What is your spouse's relationship with your children from a previous marriage or relationship?
5. If you have no children, describe your experiences with other people's children.

General Parenting

1. Why do you want children?
2. What do you expect from your children?
3. What do you want to offer a child?
4. What is your understanding and knowledge of a child's physical, emotional, cognitive and social development?
5. Describe your parenting style or philosophy.
6. How do you plan to discipline your child(ren)?
7. How do you plan to be involved in your child's social and academic development?

Specialized Parenting

1. Describe your adoption expectations.
2. How do you anticipate handling your child's adoption issues?
3. What is your understanding of how a child's emotional and physical development may be impacted by physical, sexual, drug or alcohol abuse?
4. What is your willingness and readiness to address the issues of a child with special needs in the area of sexual abuse, physical abuse, separation and loss, neglect and abandonment and alcohol and drug exposure?
5. How do you plan on telling your child his/her adoption story?
6. Address your willingness to access therapeutic and educational resources.
7. Describe your wilingness and support toward fostering relationships with separated birth siblings.
8. How do you plan to address and present your child's biological social and medical background history?
9. Describe your current feelings, concerns and fears related to birth parents.
10. Describe your attitudes and intentions regarding open adoption.
11. Describe your willingness and ability to adopt a child from a different race and/or culture.
12. Describe your willingness to preserve continuity of your child's ethnic and cultural identity.

Current Family Lifestyle

1. Describe your current and proposed child care arrangements.
2. Describe your work and non work day routines and rituals.
3. What are your basic household rules and expectations?
4. Who does what in terms of chores, homemaking, bill paying, transportation, and home maintenance?
5. Describe how your family deals with privacy and nudity in the home.
6. What kind of recreational, social, religious activities do you engage in?
7. Do you celebrate holidays?  Which ones?  How are they spent?
8. If you have previous adoption or foster care experience, discuss the circumstances and teh adjustment of the children in your family.
9. Describe your diet and exercise patterns/habits.

General

1. What people, places, or events have had the most influence on your life?
2. What hardships or problems have you faced?
3. How did you cope with them?
4. What are some of yoru present goals?
5. What do you enjoy and or dislike about your work?
6. What do you do for fun?
7. Are there things about your present life that you wish to change?

Phew! Are you tired yet?!  What a list, right?  It is quite daunting to realize that that this is simply a spring board for our interview conversations!  On one hand it feels like a really unfair bummer that we are having to go through all of this and defend ourselves and prove that we would be fit parents.  On the other hand I realize that thinking through these things will do nothing but help us to be better parents.  More intentional, more self-aware, more prepared.  I choose to be thankful rather than resentful.  Because having a child is worth all of this and more.